Boundaries

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I am always dehydrated. Always. And do you know why? Because every time I reach for my water bottle it is empty. Every. Damn. Time. I carry a water bottle everywhere I go. I always fill it up before we leave the house. I always shout a reminder to the rest of the household to do the same, but do they? Nope. Then they grab mine when I am not looking and drink it all. This situation frustrates me to no end. I gripe and complain and they continue to drink my water.

A few months ago, it occurred to me that I can put a stop to this frustration. I put my foot down and declared my water bottle off limits. If we break down in the desert and there is a chance they could die of dehydration, I will share but until then they are out of luck. I diligently watched my bottle of water every minute. At the gym, at the zoo, at the grocery store. It took a while but they figured out I meant business and after a few times of them asking for a drink of my water and me saying go find a water fountain they stopped. This is a simple rule but for some reason it took me way too long to figure it out.

I am the type of momma that wore my babies and slept with them when they were little but my kids are not little anymore. It never occurred to me to set a few boundaries for my own sanity. Boundaries are one of those buzz words that are floating around a lot of different issues, work, PTA, family and friends that take advantage. I don’t often hear it mentioned when it comes to your kiddos.

What are some other areas that I set new rules to keep me sane recently you ask. Sleeping with mom. When they are little, sick or have a nightmare I have no problem sharing my bed with my kiddos. However, they are all getting bigger and there just isn’t room in there for three people. They also want to take turns with me when Daddy travels. I enjoy the snuggle time and that they want to be near me still but I wasn’t sleeping well. Time to set another boundary. No more sleeping with mom. I need my space and it is healthy and acceptable for me to ask for that space.

Making breakfast and lunches. This one is harder because I stay home to be a mom. Part of being a mom though is teaching them to be self-sufficient. I have made every breakfast before school and packed all the lunches for the last 8 years. This year I declared the two oldest, they are 9 and 12, old enough to pack their own lunches. Gasp! Guess what, they mostly make good choices and they manage just fine. There is also at least one morning a week that I say, breakfast is what you find in there or grab a frozen waffle, good luck.

Other things I stopped doing, getting up mid-meal to do things for them, letting them interrupt conversations I am having with adults and always sitting by daddy. Sometimes I want to sit next to my husband at dinner.

Some parenting frustrations are unavoidable. Some are completely avoidable. These solutions seem glaringly obvious now that I have implemented them but it took me 12 years to figure them out. I am not going to waste time beating myself up because I didn’t think of it sooner or because I no longer share my drinks with them. I am a mom but I am still my own person and I can have my own space. Without guilt.

I am the momma to three amazing little girls and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Like every other parent out there I want to give them everything and make their lives nothing but sunshine and roses. That isn’t reality no matter what I do, so I hope by setting a few boundaries it better prepares them for life.

 

 

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